Anonymous said: You will always be perfect the way you are, Because that's WHO you are. There's nothing beautiful about hurting yourself for beauty. Beauty with pain is no beauty at all. I love you and you're fucking perfect.
I’ve been told this so many times. I wish my brain would understand it.
dale619er said: I Know how random this may sound but i know how depression feels and well im here to say im here for you if you ever feel upset or down then i"ll always Listen to your problems and try my hardest to look after you and make sure your feeling okay I"ll never leave you i promise im here 24/7
Thank you, that means a lot. Your words are surprisingly comforting considering you are a total stranger.
Today is ending up to be a very difficult day. It’s only my second day on vacation and already the fights are beginning. I can’t be home and be in peace, there’s always something. I’ve been putting off coming on Tumblr because i knew it would give me urges to fast and starve.. I was right, with every post I watch as I scroll down I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. I want to be thin so badly, but is it worth making myself sick again? The 3/4 of my brain is screaming YES! and the other 1/4 is saying no, stay strong you can fight this… But I just don’t know anymore. Starving and Self Harming were the only things in my life I had control over, I don’t have either of them now. To be honest.. I miss them. But I know I have to stay strong. For me, for my best friend.. Wait, that’s about it. I guess up till now I hadn’t realize that that is all I have, myself and my friend. Wow, this just keeps getting more depressing. I just want to be happy again. I just.. don’t think it’s going to happen.
So as you all know, I’ve been away for quite a long time.
I didn’t get into detail in the updates I had posted so here
goes what been going on.
I’ve been in “recovery”
My friend, my very best friend, has been helping me through
this whole process.
I’m still depressed, i’m still struggling with self harm, and I still
have urges to starve.
It’s been hard, but I feel I am getting better.
Part of me wants to continue restricting and limiting but I can’t.
I’ve been making great progress, i’m almost “normal.”
Let’s hope that this continues and I don’t relapse again.
I want to say thank you to each and every one of you that was there, reading my blog and supporting me.
It means a lot to know that people, complete strangers, can care so much for someone they don’t even know.
So thank you all.
One disease down, two more to tackle.
We can do this <3
P.s I’ve created a second blog today so follow me on: TheLostYearsOf.tumblr.com
I just wanted to let you guys know that i’m still alive.. unfortunately. There’s very little to keep me going but i’m trying to deal with it. Thank you for sticking around. I love you all.
So i’m back but i’m not back. Things aren’t going to awesome and i’m so busy i barely have time to sleep… literally. I’m really sorry. This is just a terrible time in my life.
It’s been 2 1/2 days since my last cigarette. I feel like crap because now there is nothing suppressing my hunger. I feel like i’m going insane. I mustn’t eat.. for I fear I will gain more weight. I MUST lose more weight. I must be thin! I must be beautiful. I MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST!! I can’t take it anymore! I’m eating away at myself again because i know i’ve not lost more weight, i’m going mad with the feeling of hunger lingering about like death in the air. I just want to sleep.. forever. I want to be at peace, in the dark, alone, in silence. For eternity..
Happy 41st birthday Chris Pohl. Ich liebe dich <3